My Shitty

That’s the kind where you’re in the public toilet, and there are two people waiting for your stall. You shit and flush two times, but several golf ball-sized poops are still floating on the water..

This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered.

This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car. Beware of nettle wipes.

Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off, because if you wipe now it’s going to smear all over the place.

The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche – but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.