My Shitty

Editor’s note: Play the video while you read the wonderfully twisted lyrics sent to us by Fred G M. The video is from the movie O Brother, Where art Thou?

I am a man of constipation;

I’ve seen trouble in my guts.

I left my last turd in ol’ Kentucky,

The place where I ate seeds and nuts

The place where he ate seeds and nuts!

It’s been six long years since I was reg’lar;

No leisure here on earth I find.

For on this bowl I’m bound to struggle;

I have no fiber to help me now.

He has no fiber to help him now!

It’s fare thee well, my lower colon;

I feel it straining in my soul.

For I’m bound to ride that porcelain railroad;

Perhaps I’ll die upon this bowl.

Perhaps he’ll die upon that bowl!

One day I was bound out to th’ outhouse,

But lawmen shackled me away.

They put me on a bus bound to Wisconsin,

And it’s been packed down to this day.

Yes, it’s compacted to this day!

You can empty me with some deep enema,

For many liters I may spray.

Then you may learn to glove another

While I am leaking in my grave.

While he is leaking in his grave!

Maybe your friends think I’m just a danger,

My farts you’ll never will smell no more

But there is one final download that is comin;

‘I’ll meet you on God’s golden throne.

He’ll meet you on God’s golden throne!

Poop Report

From Cole:

So, for some reason my poo and my sneezes have the same smell. I took
Accutane and am going to see a GI in the coming weeks. I know without
diagnosis that I have IBS or some sort of major issue with my colon. Have
you ever heard of the this strange combination of smells?

Poop Report

From Cole:

So, for some reason my poo and my sneezes have the same smell. I took
accutane and am going to see a GI in the coming weeks. I know without
diagnosis that I have IBS or some sort of major issue with my colon. Have
you ever heard of the this strange combination of smells?

Poop Report

From Cole:

So, for some reason my poo and my sneezes have the same smell. I took
Accutane and am going to see a GI in the coming weeks. I know without
diagnosis that I have IBS or some sort of major issue with my colon. Have
you ever heard of the this strange combination of smells?

Poop Report

For years we’ve read about the benefits of squatting to poop as opposed to sitting. There is less straining, a lower chance of hemorrhoids, and the colon straightens out when a person puts his butt closer to his feet.

Well, if you are not one of those “wiry little fuckers” who is built to squat (quote Mastercrapper), and you still would like the benefits of squatting, there’s hope for you. Portland, Oregon is the home of the GoStool. You can order one of these bamboo stools, knowing that you’re purchasing an item made from a renewable resource that will unkink you colon. The site owner wrote to us that his legs no longer fall asleep while sitting on the toilet, and his “turtle-head pokin’” feeling is a thing of the past.

If you’ve like to read a few testimonials, you can check the GoStool out on Facebook as well.

Poop Report